I needed some pink in my life which led to the change in the blog. I reserve the right to change it back or leave it be! :)
Let me say before I get started that the following information may be (well, yeah, it is) controversial in the weight loss world. I contemplated not posting about it. But it may help someone else who has made the same decision, feel better about their choice. Or it may help someone else struggling, reach out to their surgeon or PCP. It does carry a stigma to a certain degree. However, as an informed and intelligent adult, I stand by my decision.
I went to see my surgeon this past Thursday for my one year checkup. It was originally scheduled for December, but it ended up being rescheduled because of Dr. Macik's surgery schedule. I have still been bouncing up and down the same 5 pounds for the last 4 months. I also discussed with him and his nurse the fact that hunger is killing me.
Food is all I can think about. It is very strange to go to support group or talk with others who have had the surgery and hear them talk about having to remember to eat. I never lost my hunger. Now, let me clarify. I do not believe the hunger I am fighting is true hunger. I believe it is all mouth and head hunger. I have contemplated therapy on several occasions. But I do not believe that I have an eating disorder because I was abused in some way during my childhood. Yes, I had family issues growing up, but I do not believe those issues are why I eat. I. LOVE. FOOD. I love the way it tastes, smells, feels. I enjoy it tremendously. I do find that I graze around the kitchen when I am bored. That seems to be the only pattern I can find. If I'm depressed, which is not often at all, and not clinical, I sleep. If I am angry, I yell and throw a fit. If I am happy, I share it with the world. I eat when I want food. Not when I am overwhelmed with emotions.
Back to the appointment. After discussing my hunger, the nurse asked if I wanted to try an appetite suppressant. It was probably further than the last thing on my mind. After hearing her out, I asked several questions and then she spoke with Macik. He suggested it as well. My biggest concerns, of course, are becoming chemically dependent and any side effects. He and the nurse said there are times that a weight loss surgery patient will have a need for a kick start. They made it clear it is NOT a long term solution. It is strictly for two weeks only. He believes that it will give me a chance to retrain my brain and convince it that it does not need food on a continuous basis. I accepted the prescription, filled it, and came home and did some research before taking the first dose. Come to find out, it is not uncommon for weight loss surgery patients to use it. I am well aware of the side-effects, most not being seen unless the drug is taken long-term or if you already have cardiac or blood pressure issues.
I took the first dose Friday morning. It is a once daily dose. My pharmacist told me to make sure I take as early as possible in the morning. I informed my partner teacher and school nurse just in case something happened during the day. It did bring on a very jittery feeling throughout the day. I was also VERY aware of my surroundings, especially sounds. The most important thing was, it worked. I did not think or obsess about food during the day. I did have a very hard time sleeping deeply Friday night, but I do not know if that was the medicine still working that late.
Saturday, I had the jittery feeling again. But I stayed busy all morning with exercising and cleaning. I was able to not obsess about food.
Today, I did not have the jitters. I was not as busy this evening as yesterday, but I was able to make good decisions about food.
The scale is back on the bottom end of those five pounds. Hopefully, when I return to the doctor's office in two weeks, the scale will be back on the way down. I do not want to mess this up. I have lost almost 120 pounds. That is a huge accomplishment. But I do have a lot farther to go.
